Nataraj Express

Journey to the Self

My Notes On Meditation 8

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It’s been a really difficult week. A really stressful one. I tend to stress easily when it comes to work, but I have learnt over the years how to use my stress in my favour. I get things done correctly and efficiently, and I like things that are efficient. I am tired of people telling me not to stress, not to have fear, not to do this, not to feel that… I know they probably say those things to try and help me, but they are not “me”. I am not “me” either in those moments. ••• You see, it might seem strange but since a long time ago I live with two of my selves. The self that is thrown out into the world, that is the mask I put on to do what has to get done, that complains, and stresses out, that gets angry, sad, and lets herself fall victim of her own mind games. And then there is “me”, the real me, the “I” behind, the observer, the part that is a whole with everything that exists. ••• In the beginning of my meditation journey, I thought my purpose was to destroy the false “me”, the ego, so that the real “me” could just be. With years of practice I came to realise that it wasn’t working to try to hide or kill that part, because I need it in this world. Everything is here for a reason. What has worked truly is to observe and let myself be whomever I wish or need to be in each moment without losing connection to my center, to the whole, to the sacred, to the divine, to god, to… call it whatever you want. As long as “I” am observing, “I” can do whatever I want. I am free to change my mind. I am free to be human. I am free to flow with emotions. I am free to fall into the sacredness of the ordinary. Just being. Just breathing. ••• 

Author: Danah Blanco (Nataraj Express)

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