Nataraj Express

Journey to the Self

Road Trips

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Road trips always remind me of life itself.

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Maybe it is such a cliche, but still rings true for me. Not knowing where the road will take us each day, but knowing our final destination we keep going forward. Life also has a very distinct ‘destination’ although I only believe that to be a new beginning.

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Death.

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Here it is again.

Always accompanying my thoughts. Always by my side reminding me of the fleeting nature of existence, of reality itself. So why hold on too tightly to any one opinion/idea/dream?

If even the whole time-space-continuum is only an eternal change process?

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A transformation process that exists for us because we can perceive it.

I am still blown away by this fact, even after so much time.

What we perceive is our reality.

Our perspective.

Our point of view.

Our truth.

Our lives.

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How are you observing all this? Do you see it too? How does it make you feel that we cannot hold onto anything as universal truth/beauty/goodness that so many philosophers and sages pinpointed as the essence of man and life?

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For me it is simple to say and understand: the only essence ever is change itself. Without change nothing exists. Without movement the stillness is truly eternal. If the pendulum doesn’t swing, it is dead steady in the centre. I am afraid of this centre sometimes. Afraid of this eternal stillness.

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What I find difficult is gaining relief from this perspective. For now, it gives me anxiety. For now, I still find the need in me to be right, to fight my arguments, to defend my opinions, to defend all of my tiny and stupid life choices. Looking for validation. But from who? Why? We are all in this together. And I am getting so tired of myself trying too hard for something I know deep inside doesn’t fulfill me at all.

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One of my main discoveries in this trip is that ‘being tired’ obscures my ‘being afraid’. Physically, being sleepy in a car or plane makes me forget the fear I feel in these transports. Maybe I can use this info now to transmute my fear of letting go. Maybe being tired is a great first step.

Maybe you will also follow me along this path until we find out…

Author: Danah Blanco (Nataraj Express)

Yoga Teacher~Dive Master~Art Historian

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