I saw them being born,
and I saw them die.
And what I saw, is that
Death is just a name
for another moment in
When I was very young, just a little girl, I remember having this constant need of finding ‘love’, of feeling it, of wanting it from everyone. I also thought of ‘love’ many times as the romantic type love, the one that fuels up with passion, but ends the same way, disintegrated by the great fires it creates. This need to be seen, adored, taken care of, loved… I thought was the way to happiness. I wrote a lot of poetry filled with this longing my heart used to ache for.
With time I slowly started growing older, and learning so much from life and my experiences, but even more, from the inner work I have been doing with myself for a very long time. And in this, the greatest journey of my life back home to myself, I realised that what I was looking for could not be found by wanting others to validate my existence and choices, or by wanting everyone to agree with me and love me, but by serving the world and everyone I can to find their own peace of mind and happiness in being who we all really are. Being. Not doing.
I don’t want people to love me, I want people to love themselves. To truly love every bit and aspect of our being gives us freedom, choice, and shows us the complete truth of how connected everyone and everything is. When we all learn to love all of the parts of ourselves unconditionally, we can then live in this world from an inner perspective of wholeness. Complete already. Whole. Filling the void and the longing for anything can only be done through inner workings of our Self. We won’t need anything external to remind us that we ourselves are Love.
If I were to be anything else than what I am, I could only become Me again.
I am not my thoughts.
I am not my feelings.
I am not my emotions.
I am not my job.
I am not my responsibilities.
I am not my success.
Or my failures.
I am not what I own.
Or what I know.
I am not even my own choices.
Nor the causes and consequences.
Who I am, I am behind all of this.
Who we are, is beyond the I.
Becoming. Being. I Am.
To sit for a few moments a day in complete stillness, just a few breaths, makes all the difference in my life. I remember those years when I never stopped; moving, thinking, doing.
I know a silent sitting meditation practice is not for everyone, that’s why there are millions of ways to tune in. But for me, this practice brings me back to myself and makes me realise how nothing is ever completely still, how impermanence is the root of living, and how emptiness is the essence of all possibilities.
Why do you practice? Why do I practice?
I ask myself this question constantly. If I am honest, I still have a reason to do it, and it is to understand my mind, and the all encompassing Mind. To know myself and therefore know Existence and All that Is. But deep inside I feel I have a long way to go until I finally practice just to practice, without expectation, without attachment to the ‘fruits of my actions’.
Accepting I am human and I desire things, even if it is things like peace of mind, has been my long forgotten lesson, on repeat constantly. I don’t know exactly why I am so afraid of admitting this to myself, and why I deny myself the opportunity of committing mistakes, but I am working on it.
I use my practice of movement and sitting as a tool to live on this earth in this moment in time. I use different methods until they stop working for me to deal with suffering or with the fear of the unknown. And yoga, philosophy, meditation and art have been my tools for as long as I can remember.
It isn’t an easy path, the journey towards the centre of Oneself, but I can’t not choose it. Something in me knows this is my path, and it has always been. This journey of becoming, of returning home. Remembering I was never gone…
A veces me encantaría ser como un girasol, toda la vida mirando hacia la luz.
Pero hay algo mágico y transformador en aceptar nuestra oscuridad, en sumergirnos en el inconsciente más profundo donde los símbolos y arquetipos inmortales viven.
Es en esa oscuridad donde comenzamos a apreciar la luz propia, sin necesidad de una luz externa. Y así podemos convivir en paz en la luz, la oscuridad y en las sombras, entre ambos, siempre en equilibrio. Lo interno y lo externo. Lo efímero y lo inmortal. Lo humano y lo divino.
Todo es sagrado. Cada respiración. Cada instante.