Nataraj Express

Journey to the Self


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Durga – Strength and Protection

THEME FOR FEBRUARY:

Durga-Strength and Protection

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February is here already. The beginning of 2019 has flown by, and already I saw a seed of growth in myself I wasn’t expecting. It hasn’t been easy these past few weeks and I still struggle a bit to give myself permission to feel like I don’t want to be here, but I am. I believe there is a reason, which is growth, learning and service. Or a higher reason I might never understand, and I am slowly making peace with this fact. That’s why I kept my practice each and every day even when I felt like it “wasn’t working” and I wanted to give up.

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How can so many years of practice not release any suffering? But create more questions and doubts? Why am I still attached to the expectation that I will receive something (“the fruits”) from my actions? How is it possible that I fall again and again in repeating patterns of self-destruction? I kept sitting in silence every day with my pain. And it’s true what they say, if you invite it sincerely into yourself, there is nothing stopping love from blooming from a broken heart.
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Perfect timing as always, February is here, and Durga will be my guide. I need strength and courage every day, so I dedicate my practice this month to Her, to myself, so that all beings may at least find the possibility of a way out of suffering.
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This month I want to be brave, I want to have the courage to try new things, new patterns of reaction, new ways of compassion, new values, new routines… This month I want to regain trust in life, and especially in myself. I used to be so fearless and independent, and I don’t know why for the past years some of my fears have taken over and I have retreated so deep into the darkness that the light was too blinding to come out. But I am ready now to gain again my willpower. So Goddess Durga is the archetype I want to wake up in me. I need her help, so I will call out for it.

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Underneath are some notes on Durga from Sally Kempton’s book ‘Awakening Shakti’.

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Recognize Durga in:
-Courage that comes from the heart.
-Truth-telling.
-All forms of bravery in the service of truth.
-The impulse to protect.
-The will to battle.
-Feelings of triumph and satisfaction after doing something difficult.
-Strong foundations, whether physical or cultural.
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Invoke Durga for:
-Physical, mental and emotional strength.
-Personal empowerment.
-Standing up for yourself.
-Starting a project and getting down to work.
-Completing a project.
-Willpower to create positive habits.
-Help in challenging situations.
-Protecting other people.
-Ending relationships.
-Fighting for justice.

-Facing up to the negative side of your own ego.

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Bija Mantra: DUM.

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Mantra: OM DUM DURGAYE NAMAHA

(OM I bow to the one who overcomes all difficulties).

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Colours: Red, gold, yellow and orange.


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Reflexiones de Vida o Muerte 2

Cómo un cambio de perspectiva lo inunda todo de un nuevo significado. Pero en realidad, el
significado es siempre el que damos nosotros mismos.
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Me siento frente a esta página en blanco, intentando escarbar en las esquinas de mi mente por
algo que tenga valor en sí para plasmar. Pero nada me viene. Porque es así cómo todo
funciona. Cuando fijas la mente en un objeto preciso y el foco de tu atención no se tambalea ni
con el sonido de una mosca, te das cuenta de que lo que se enfoca no es lo importante, sino lo periferal, lo que lo envuelve todo, lo que uno no puede mirar de frente porque lo mentaliza, o lo siente. Cuando mirar de frente significa proyectar que eso existe, separado de uno mismo. No se puede comprender nada que no pueda ser conocido. Pero no comprender algo no significa
que no exista. O que aquello que no existe también forma parte de todo. Lo que se percibe y lo
que no. El contenido y el contenedor. La polaridad, el equilibrio.
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No comprender es solo un espejismo de nuestro ego que trata con todas sus fuerzas no
reconocerNos. No ver que aquello que es real no muere, porque no nace tampoco.
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Es como las olas en el océano. Si las observamos profundamente con el foco de nuestra atención puesta en la ola, veremos cómo parece que nace, vive y muere. Cómo tiene una forma, una textura, un color, un momento en el tiempo, incluso una energía percibida. La vemos y creemos que es así. Que tuvo un comienzo y un final. Pero si la atención cambia su perspectiva a lo periferal, podremos ver que es el océano mismo el que se experimenta. La ola
nunca estuvo separada del océano.
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Descansamos la mente en este océano primordial que emerge y se nutre de sí mismo, que
existe como un acto de movimiento eterno. Y cuánto más descansemos la mente en este mar de calma podremos llegar más profundo. Y puede que un día nos demos cuenta de cómo lo percibimos todo. El océano tampoco es tal. Sino que es el agua misma quien se vive en su materialización. El agua que puede estar en diferentes estados.
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Sí. Me doy cuenta con el paso del tiempo (irónico en realidad ya que este no pasa, sino que
somos nosotros los que andamos por la vida) que lo que importa es la periferia. Desde el punto
central, a la circunferencia total. El foco debe saber cambiar y adaptarse. En mi meditación
diaria, en mi práctica diaria de vivir el día a día tal cual se presenta, en mi observación
compasiva de mis pensamientos y emociones. Enfoco al objetivo, pero nunca me olvido de lo
que arropa nuestra existencia. Es una práctica, vivir. Nada más.


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Maha Shakti-Universal Power

THEME FOR JANUARY 2019:

Maha Shakti – Universal Power
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This month I would like to connect deeply with my routines and habits. I am a firm believer in the hermetic principle that we are a microcosic reflection of a greater macrocosmic reality, and that every small action can contain the wisdom of its universal lesson. That is why for me, to be able to connect to a Universal Power, I must first connect with the power in myself. Connect with the energies within myself.
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Personally, the easiest way for me to do it is to hold myself accountable, to have the willpower to follow through certain routines and habits. Nothing impossible, very realistic things, but that I do every day because they give me a sense of grounding in the present, and a sense of giving myself the time I need for my process. Even if it is 10-15 minutes of doing something just for you will give you the power to set healthy limits when you need them so you can concentrate on becoming the most true to yourself that you can be.
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One of my morning routines is Japa Mantra, the repetition of a sacred sound/phrase that mantains the mind concentrated in the moment, normally using a mala with 108 beads in Hinduism and Buddhism, although praying with a rosary or similar in Christianism or Islam works in a similar manner as it uses the science behind this concept of concentration and meditation on a fixed object.
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As I am working with Maha Shakti, the great archetype of feminine power, I will use the bija mantra/seed sound “Hrim” associated to her during the month of January.
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Through this act, I not only mantain my mind concentrated in an action, but I also rest my heart and awareness in the feelings this brings me. I rest in the idea of the divine, understood by me as complete acceptance of what is, that which always is and will always be, emptiness always full of possibility.
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I practice this every day of the year, I just change the mantra used according to the goddess/archetype/energy/theme I work with. If you do this too and would like to share your experiences with me, I would be happy to listen.
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I’ll leave underneath a little bit more information from Sally Kempton’s book ‘Awakening Shakti’.
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You can recognize Maha Shakti as:

-the force of life in all things.
-the swirl of your thoughts and emotions.
-the power behind the breath.
-the energy that makes the heart beat and makes cells divide, works through your mind and body to allow you to function in the world.
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Invoke Maha Shakti for:

-experiencing the world, your body, and its energies as divine.
-healing.
-receiving power and love from the divine feminine.
-dealing with unpleasant experiences by recognizing them as aspects of the divine.
-working with stress by recognizing the energy within it.
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Bija Mantra: HRIM
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Colours: red, gold and yellow.
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Flower: hibiscus.
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Themes 2019

This year once again, I have decided to focus on a particular aspect of self study each month. I will be using the archetypes of Shakti (feminine energy in Tantra) as the base for each theme. I will use different methods including meditations, japa mantra, journaling, sacred art in the form of Yantra, but especially methods that help me in my everyday life, observing and analising my emotions, thoughts and actions.
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My main goal this year is one important goal, to be coherent in every aspect of my self and how I externilise it into the world. What I feel, think and do, and the way I communicate and share my existence, has to be balanced and true to my Self. To do this I have to see where I need more focus and more work on myself, that is why I love methods that keep me engaged for long periods of time.
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I won’t be sharing everything I do, but if someone is interested in walking this journey by my side, I will be using Sally Kempton’s book ‘Awaking Shakti’ as my manual, between other books, notes, research and practices I have been gathering for the past decade or more. You can also send me a message any time and I will always try to help as much as I can.
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Here is a list of the aspect of Shakti I will work with each month:
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JANUARY: Maha Shakti-Universal Power.
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FEBRUARY: Durga-Strength and Protection.
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MARCH: Lakshmi-Good Fortune.
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APRIL: Kali-Death and Rebirth.
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MAY: Parvati-Commitment and Willpower.
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JUNE: Saraswati-Creativity and Wisdom.
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JULY: Sita-Surrender and Service.
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AUGUST: Dhumavati-The Shadow.
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SEPTEMBER: Radha-Passion and Longing.
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OCTOBER: Chinnamasta-Spiritual Energy.
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NOVEMBER: Lalita Tripura Sundari-Beauty and Grace.
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DECEMBER: Bhuneshwari-Expanding Awareness and Compassion.


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Bye 2018

I was trying to remember where I was for the past years in these end of year dates, and I realised how my memory is going back to it’s original state of non-linear recognition of time frames.
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What stays with us is the lesson learned, the experience lived, the actual essence and wisdom of whatever “seems” to happen and how we “interpret” it.
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It is very interesting to grow older… So many things can only make sense in time. As most of you know by now as I repeat it often, since I am small I have this longing to be old.
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I am grateful. Truly grateful to be able to have these thoughts. To be able to have enough love, food, money, comfort, so that my main focus is not survival, but learning, remembering and serving.
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I think of this often. Along with death, maybe it’s what I most think about. To be able to feel, express, analise, observe, experiment, search for the way out of suffering, live in these ways, can only be truly fulfilled with constant atention and practice. And to do this, one cannot be hungry, or in danger… Or at least one’s priorities will surely be different in each situation.
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To be, a student of one’s own life and existence. For me, that is the greatest gift of my present life. Thank you.
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I don’t know why I feel this is a seed. Something growing in me. A change of direction maybe in the way I serve and offer myself. I just know what makes my heart sing, and for a long time now, I feel I need to get closer to being a bridge somehow, with learning how to die, so we can learn how to live. Living and dying in community. With learning how to see situations from very large perspectives. Who knows, not me, but I am happy to continue flowing with my intuition as my guide.
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